Letting go of the handle

So, I don't believe I've ever posted the story behind the title of this blog. Now, as I am on the verge of taking another life leap, I feel it's a fitting anecdote to regale you with. The saying "letting go of the handle" is inspired by a piece of artwork that was given to me as I headed off for college. It is a pen and ink drawing of an abstract girl, brightly colored, floating along in an inverted umbrella. It reminds me of Roald Dahl stories, not any one in particular; rather it reminds me of that childhood feeling of knowing that anything is possible. Below the image is a quote that reads:

If you hold on to the handle, she

said, its's easier to maintain the illusion

of control. But it's more fun if you

just let the wind carry you.

Somewhere between elementary school and the end of high school, I lost sight of the beauty and fun of spontaneity. I liked the illusion of control that came with planning and with following the rules. My mother, who so often knows me better than I know myself, choose this piece of art to inspire me to live a little, to enjoy college life, and to just let the wind carry me once in a while. Setting up my things in my dorm room, I hung the picture in a prominent spot next to my desk.

That first year at school I was too paralyzed by the newness of everything to take the wisdom of this quote to heart. I clung to what was familiar, what was safe - and I had a miserable time. With immense relief, the time finally came for me to pack my belongings to return home for the summer. As I was removing the picture from the wall, it slipped, and crashed on my desk, leaving a crooked, curved crack in the glass from top to bottom. I sighed, but figured I could get the glass replaced when I got home.

The summer came and went, and I forgot about the crack. Unpacking at the start of my second year, I found the picture in a box as I had left it. Imperfect, but now with visible evidence of an inner character it hadn't possessed before. I wasn't going to replace the glass, I decided. Life happens.

Today, the picture, crack and all, hangs next to my bed as I plan to-do lists for my next adventure. Yes, I still like to hang on to that handle, planning things, preparing, but in the end these are preparations for adventures that would make the girl in the umbrella proud. I have struck a balance between hanging on to the handle and letting the wind carry me. But whenever I find myself clinging too tightly, I am reminded to ease up, take a deep breath, and dive on in. And it's always been more fun that way.