Take the money and RUN

I have never been a fan of taking the cans to be recycled. Though the extra $9.50 is nice - yeah, I put it off as long as possible - you get all sticky, the awkward room off the grocery store always smells funny, and frequently, you encounter a few sketchy characters. When I went this morning, I breathed a sigh of relief when I found the place recently cleaned and empty of people. 

At about can number 600, my luck was about to change. I was joined by a tall, husky, unshaven man in his mid-forties, a bit like a chinless version of Robert from Everybody Loves Raymond. I got a dad-vibe from him, and didn't pay him much mind. On can number 620, he says to me, "You're almost as tall as I am." Ok, so he was being friendly, that doesn't bother me.

"Haha, I'm getting there," I responded with a smile.

"How old are you?"

"Hmm?" The question took me off guard - this was not headed where I thought it was...

"How old are you?" he asked again, awkwardly.

"Um, 22, so I guess I'm probably done growing anyway."

"Oh, I thought you were younger. Single?"Oh man, he did not just ask that! A recent SNL line floated through my mind: Really?! Are you serious?

"Yes, for the moment," I said.

"Yeah, you look it." Seriously? Seriously? Is that a pick-up line? "You look single." Am I supposed to be flattered? "Well, let me give you my number. 498-"

I cut him off, "Actually, I'm looking to get out of the area."

"Oh, relocating?"

"Mmhm, sorry." He turned and left quietly. 

I hate when that happens. It wasn't really as creepy as it sounds in the relaying, but it was horrendously awkward. I never like turning people down, but what's a girl supposed to do? Everybody needs a little reality check sometimes, and just a hint, you should probably not be asking out people who are half your age, despite what's portrayed in the daily media. I mean, if I tried that, I'd be dating 11 year old boys. Not cool.  Just not cool. 

And when did I start needing to be on guard against father figures?! That through me off. I'm not in Kansas any more, ladies and gentlemen. I'm in the land of the divorcé looking to get back into the dating market, with delusional ideas about twenty-something women. I gotta get out of here. 

I cashed out and took my $9.30. I'll go buy my own drink thank you very much.